My Mother's Day

Here’s what I really want for Mother’s Day:  For my husband to take the kids for the day and do something fun with them, without me.  A day where I don’t have do all the planning, preparation, motivating, and clean up.  You know, the things I do on all the other days of the year.  My dream is that this would happen every Sunday.  I can dream.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love the cards and items they bring back from school at holiday times.  That’s the best gift because it really is a surprise and they look so happy to present it.  And, I didn’t have anything to do with it and I didn’t have to clean up after the project was over.  It’s all good!

For the record, I have no interest in breakfast in bed or going out for Sunday brunch.  I don’t let the boys bring food into their bedrooms so why should I be able to, plus there’s the crumb issue and we’ve got enough ants in the house this time of year.  As for brunch, we can do that anytime and I’d rather be riding my bike at that time of day than sitting around, over-eating, and paying to have to watch my kids not finish their breakfast.

Here’s how Mother’s Day went this year:  On Thursday I got a letter in the mail from my 8 year old.  It was a class project in which they were instructed to say something nice about their moms.  A bit contrived but wonderful.  On Friday my 5 year old gave me his card which he decorated and packaged.  It came with a sachet of herb tea.  Very nice.  And he was so excited to give it to me.  That’s all I needed!  But on Sunday the kids wanted to go out for breakfast and begged me all morning to go.  So I gave in and said we had to walk to the restaurant since it was such a beautiful spring morning.  My 5 year old refused and in the ensuing battle I noticed that my 8 year old was wearing the same dirty clothes he’d had on for the past few days.  So I told him to go and change.  He refused.  My husband and I gave them a few minutes to cooperate but it wasn’t happening so instead of a “nice family breakfast” I had 2 boys crying and an angry husband.  The 8 year old went up to his room in disappointment and the 5 year old had a fit.  Which went on for 2 hours.  He threw rocks all over the front yard and eventually broke a window.  He followed me everywhere hitting me and screaming that he wanted to go out for breakfast.  Both boys called me names and all morning I got to hear what a terrible mom I was.  My husband didn’t help matters any by yelling at the children and making idle threats.

Not only did I feel like a terrible mom, with new scratches on both hands from trying to restrain the 5 year old, but it also felt like someone punched me in the stomach.  It was a miserable morning.  I wanted out.  I had to wait for my 5 year old to calm down before I could leave for the gardening store lest he have fear of abandonment and/or my husband start yelling at him for breaking the window.  Finally I was free but meanwhile no one had eaten breakfast.  When I came back from the store, my husband had the boys working on Mother’s Day cards for me.  It was a good gesture, but it didn’t really have any meaning.  The boys were still mad at me and my husband was grumpy.  And I was mad at the boys and furious with my husband for yelling at them.  Obviously there was no winning for anyone that day.

But it was an improvement over last year’s Mother’s Day where my husband announced for the boys to hear that, “You’re not my mother so I don’t see why I should care about Mother’s Day.”  Huh, my own husband, the misogynist.  How sweet.  I got nothing last year except total disrespect.  You can be sure that I explained in great detail to my husband over the course of several months the importance of honoring not just women but all those in our lives who choose to make other’s lives better.  I’ll be damned if my boys don’t grow up to respect, honor, praise, and cherish the women in their lives, including me.

Next year I hope to keep it simple and hopefully have a few less issues pop up on a day that should be full of love.  As it is, instead of spending my money on a family breakfast, I’ll be taking us in for much needed counseling this month.