My Year in Review

It’s been a little over a year since I quit my job and put the family in endless financial stress.  Fortunately the kids are too young to understand the whole income thing and my husband has finally come around.  My biggest question is “How the heck did I do it all?” and my biggest fear is having to go back and do it again.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still working, but I’m self employed and have too much of an entrepreneurial spirit to go back and work for anyone else full time again.  If I can help it.  Now I get to manage the mornings the way I need to without the added stress of being in an office at a certain time for whatever reason.  I also get to drop everything and be with my kids at 3pm and take part in their activities, even if it’s just to drop them off somewhere.  I could do that before but I resented having to account for it.  I guess I don’t like being told what to do.

The “no money” thing is getting really old and I’ve lost a little bit of sleep worrying about it but that doesn’t help much.  The upside of a tight budget is that we don’t have as much junk around the house as we used to and when the kids get presents, they’re really excited.  A night out to a restaurant or event is a real treat.  And I don’t waste money getting them to try a new activity only to have them drop out midway.

Also, because I live in the North Country, it’s okay to wear the same thing everyday.  I haven’t bought myself anything new since my birthday a year ago!  That is simply amazing.  At first I was a little depressed, but now it’s become sort of a contest to see how long I can hold out.

But I didn’t quit my job just because I wanted to start my own business.  It was more of a priority thing.  I also saw my youngest boy slipping away and knew I had to find a way to spend more time with him.  Not so much with him physically, but on him so that I was more focused to his needs.  For whatever reason, he’s nothing like his older brother.  I took a lot for granted with the first one!  It’s taken me almost the whole year to get to understand “Baby Hulk” and retrain myself in parenting.  The crux of it is that he doesn’t transition easily and I have the patience of, well, a 4 year old, which would be him.  But I’ve come a long way!

I knew things were going to have to change when one day in spring I couldn’t get him in the car to get the kids to school on time.  I had rushed him through the morning and he simply was not ready to leave.  I was exhausted and lost my cool.  I started screaming and went out to the car and backed out of the driveway.  I guess I saw that as a “Mom’s Time Out.”  When I came to my senses to check on him he was hiding behind a curtain bawling his eyes out.  I felt like crap.  How could I have done that to him?  He was traumatized.  Nothing better for the the development of a 3 year old brain than to add significant stress to his already tender noggin.  He calmed down, asked for whatever it was that he wanted that I just hadn’t paid attention to before, and got in the car.  It took me months to figure out the combination of events that made it all happen.  It wasn’t an easy fix!

Now that he’s almost 5 life is much easier and he’s really lots of fun.  Much like his big brother when I decided I had to have another.  Everyday is “What Happens When I Do This?” and I know if I was still working full time there would be very little humor in his “experiments.”  And I’m no where near as strict with him as I had been.  I’m sure there are some who may think I’m a pushover.  But I know with this guy just what’s going to work and where my responsibility lies in the problem.  He’s big, he’s loud, and he’ll do anything to keep up with his big brother.  Try managing that!  I’m glad I took that psychology course as a prerequisite 3 years ago, not realizing it would have such practical implications.

As much as I love him, or perhaps it’s because I love him, I can now focus on earning enough money to keep him in school full time instead of just 3 days.  For him and me the structure is much better.  Now that we’ve gotten to know each other better, we can have our separate lives.  He loves school and I love having him there! 

Will our slow house remodel ever get done?  Can I keep trying to cut back on groceries even while the boys are eating more?  Will the cost of organic food ever come down?  Will I make enough to retire and not be a burden on my kids?  Who knows.  I can keep trying for the American dream but the only way I know for sure that I’m going to achieve it is to accept that I’ve been living it all along.

John Fuller Cafeteria - Go or NoGo?

Just off Main Street in North Conway is a brick building where the younger set goes for lunch.  A young man I know well (that would be my son) has been insisting that I don’t need to make him a school lunch because they take care of him there.  “Cafeteria food?” I replied.  “Wouldn’t you rather bring your lunch?  I’m not spending $2.50 a day to have you not eat your food.”  It turns out what he wasn’t eating was my homemade lunch.  I needed to know more.

I made a date with the young man to join him for the mid-day meal.  He was reluctant to agree, for after all I am a much older woman.  And he already had plenty of people to sit with.  But he gave in when I promised it would only be this one time.  Little did we know that on that particular day it was also “Read Aloud Lunch.”  Our seating was upgraded from the noisy cafeteria to the cozy tables in the library.  What a treat!

Upon arrival, I saw his group getting ready to enter the cafeteria.  I tried to cut in line to stand with him but I ended up two boys back.  The lunch ladies looked a little startled when they saw me but I got the special “grown up” treatment when they offered me two tacos instead of the usual one taco.  The line moved fast and we were ushered to the library for our special lunch day.

My table companions were 5 boys and 2 girls.  The boy on my right had brought his own lunch.  I was a little concerned that he was spending too much time working on his juice box and not eating his egg salad sandwich, but when I reminded him in my most motherly tone to “Eat your sandwich” he promised he would.  Shortly after he put the juice box down but left the straw pointing down.  And even though it would have seemed he had already drank it all after 5 minutes of playing with it, he still managed to spill juice on his pants.  I promptly handed him my napkin and turned the straw up.  Mother’s instinct.

The rest of the group ate their lunch quietly and quickly.  All the kids’ trays were finished clean while I was still on my brown rice.  Yes, brown rice!  And that’s not all:  At the beginning of the cafeteria line there was a sign announcing the fresh vegetables of the day from the school garden.  On that particular day it was green peppers and tomatoes, which were a natural with the taco.  Brown rice, fresh veggies?  They didn’t have that when I was in school.  There was an option for each portion, including fresh or canned fruit, milk or juice, and choice of entree of the day.  There was even a choice of hard or soft shell for the taco.  I don’t know if there was anything organic but the milk did state “no artificial growth hormones.”

It was an absolute joy to join my son for lunch and dine with his friends.  The meal was delicious, the kitchen spotless, the service fast and friendly, and the atmosphere surprisingly calm.  I could have sat longer with my lunch companions but they left me for recess.  Go Play! North Conway gives the John Fuller Cafeteria a Go!