Playing Doctor

I wasn’t ready for it.  Just like the first tooth and not having a $1 on hand (really, what happened to just a 25¢?), I was completely unprepared for my first encounter with finding my son, who just turned 7, naked while playing quietly with a friend.  The lack of noise should have tipped me.  I opened the door and didn’t know what to say!  Speechless, I smiled and started waving my hands around.  “Well, what’s going on here?”  as if I needed to ask.  “We’re playing doctor,” they replied.  Silly mommy!

Playing doctor is a natural curiosity.  Or, from another perspective, as normal as eating candy, but without clothes on.  You just need to teach kids what’s appropriate and what’s not.  Here are some tips from Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips by Elizabeth Pantley:

Stay calm: If you actually walk into a room and catch children playing with their clothes off, it’s best if you can remain calm. Make a statement such as, "It is not appropriate to play with your clothes off." Help them get dressed and find an activity to get involved in. Later, at a quiet time, have a brief conversation with your child about what is and is not appropriate. Teach that they must always keep their private areas (bathing suit areas) covered. If this happens with the same two children more than once, don’t let them play together unsupervised. (Don’t make a major announcement, just monitor their time together.)

Teaching time: Take the situation as a cue that your child is ready for more sex education. Spend a brief amount of time answering any of your child’s questions. Let your child’s interest and questions lead the discussion and don’t overwhelm your child with too much information. Give straightforward answers in accurate, but simple terms. Address the issue of appropriate versus inappropriate touching so your child will learn how to be respectful of his own and others privacy.

Read about it: Purchase a book about sexuality and development. Read it yourself, first, because there’s lots of stuff you may have forgotten, and some things you may not even know! Share it with your child at an appropriate time. Let your child know that you’re available to answer any questions. Two outstanding books for this purpose are: My Body, My Self for Girls and My Body, My Self for Boys both by Lynda Madaras. (Newmarket Press, NY, 1993)

Are they mimicking something they’ve seen? Take a serious look at what television shows or movies your child has been watching. Children model the behavior they see, even if they don’t understand it, so be careful what images they are being exposed to.

Take note: Excessive interest in sexual topics, or repeated occurrences of sexual play, may be a warning sign of other problems. There may also be cause for concern if one of the children is several years older than the other. Discuss your observations with a pediatrician, school counselor or family therapist.

In retrospect, I should have known they were up to something.  The boys had forewarned me not to go in the room.  Again silly mommy, I assumed they were making a potion of sorts, which has been my son’s latest interest.  One source, Discipline for Life by William and Martha Sears, advises that you should make a rule in the house to always have bedroom doors open when friends are over - at all ages.  I think that’s a good idea.

I am pleased to report my initial reaction was spot on.  I kept an open mind, pointed out that “it’s not appropriate to play together without our clothes on,” and had them get up and get dressed and come downstairs for a snack.  Afterward, I called the boy’s parents to give them a heads-up, and then spoke briefly with my son at bedtime about what questions he had.  And I found out that the giant foam hand from the Sea Dogs game we went to earlier that week doubled as a doctor’s instrument!  (Sometimes it’s best not to ask too many questions.)

And for my son’s birthday, which was a few weeks later, I got him a starter book on the human body from Usborne Books called See Inside Your Body.